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Monday, September 22, 2008

Reflective Mood.....

Today I woke up in a reflective mood. I was thinking about how when I was younger, we're talking teen's and early 20's, I didn't think that I ever wanted children. I was never the type to go for the baby dolls when I was a child. I always like Barbie and Velvet (do you remember Velvet and Chrissy??), that's how old I am!!! I loved my stuffed animals and liked to dress them up in my brother's old hand-me-downs, but I never felt this strong urge to be a mommy of an actual person (animals, yes). Frankly I didn't understand how and why anyone would want to deal with them. With their tantrums, their snotty noses, their poopy pants, and their just plain neediness. ICK!! I just felt I couldn't be bothered. Fast forward 20 years (gulp), or so later and here I am dealing with snotty noses, poopy pants, tantrums and neediness and I LOVE IT!! I can't imagine my life without my little guy. When I wake up in the morning I can't wait to see him sitting there in his crib waiting for me. The first thing he says when he sees me is "mommy". That is music to my ears. Nothing could sound sweeter than hearing him say that word to me. How did I become this person? How could someone that really didn't like kids become such a different person?

This doesn't just apply to my son. I used to see little babies or toddlers on TV or out and about and I just looked the other way. Not really interested in them too much. Now I see them in a whole new light. I laugh and giggle and it just warms my heart. I sort of feel like the Grinch that Stole Christmas. My heart has totally changed. If someone would have told me this would be how I felt one day I never would have believed it.

I can remember when I was pregnant with my son, I was afraid that I wouldn't love him as much as I should. I was fearful of that. My dear husband used to say, "you save worms on the sidewalk after it rains," of course you will feel love for your own son (dear man :) ). And he was right. It did happen. It happened instantly. It happened when he was inside me and it just grew and grew as I grew and grew.
How wonderful these little people are. What a treasure and what a gift. I am thankful for my little guy every day and I know I am blessed. Mommyhood is the greatest thing that I've ever done!! I'm tearing up as I'm typing this........ don't know why I woke up with these feelings today, but I wanted to share them with you. Did any of you feel this way before you had children? Or did you always know that being a mommy was going to be the greatest thing you've ever done??


Suzie said...

I remember when I was almost due with my first son. And I said to my mother-in-law that I was afraid that I would love my son as much as our dog. Because "come on" dog are cute and fluffy...babies have no fur!!! LOL!! She told me that when the baby is born...I would forget that I even had a dog. And she was right. Which i do feel bad for our dog, Kylie. She keeps getting pushed further and further down the line of importance with every subsequent child we have. But we still love her!! The cat on the other hand....just teasing!

Snappymom(Christie) said...

I had such big plans, I never thought I would end up being a mother. It seemed like such an impossible thing to me, the be able to competently raise and love children after growing up in such an dangerous, dysfunctional family. HOWEVER, I have found that everyone had TWO chances to have a good parent/child relationship. One as the child and one as the parent. I have found that I LOVE my kids, if I were able to I would have LOADS of them! Motherhood has proven to be the most amazing experience, and very cathartic for me. Sometimes, I get so happy about having MY kids, that I just have to do a little dance :)

Kelly O said...

I totally relate. My daughter was the first baby I ever held.

I used to be such a hard-ass, but now if there are kids involved, I completely melt into a blubbering mass of Mommy.